We Run
by Oneturtledove
Summary: -Come undone, like a string on a sweater that you pull but you know better- Just two best friends, hanging out in the sticks. Established AU Lindsay/Adam, Danny/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: As always, this is AU. Go read "We Weren't Crazy" before you read this. Austin Hawthorne Messer is a creation of Piper Maru Duchovny. This story takes place... well if you're one of my faithful readers (you guys are awesome) you would know... and if you don't... go become one of them faithful readers. **

* * *

><p>The plane bumped across the tarmac, slowing down and coming to a stop at the gate.<p>

"I think I'm seasick.

"Aust, we're on a plane, not a boat."

"The turbulence was awesome, but my stomach protesteth muchly."

"Should've eaten breakfast."

"I had fruit snacks."

"Oh Austin."

"Oh Lindsay."

They giggled and grabbed their carry-ons, making their way off the small airplane and out onto the hot tarmac. They had to walk to get inside the actual airport where their luggage was coming down on the carousel.

"So is a limo coming to pick us up?"

"Montana don't got limos. Montana got packmules."

"You sound like Ben."

"You sound like Colton telling Isa she sounds like Ben. Poor Binyin."

"My son has ruined us," Austin laughed.

"It's cute though."

"Binyin and Dunner."

"Some kindergarten teacher is gonna be pretty ticked at us when they can't even say their own names."

"They'll just cute their way out of it. Besides, I doubt any school will ever let our kids be in the same class again."

"If Isa and Colton survive this year in the same room, it will be a miracle."

"They might kill each other."

Lindsay grinned as they stepped outside into the fresh air and headed for the parking lot.

"I told Adam I would call when we got here."

"Yeah, Danny wants me to call and reassure him you're not brainwashing me to be all country-fied."

"I'm braiding your hair."

They both made quick calls home before reaching the end of the parking lot where the old Chevy was waiting for them.

"My dad dropped his truck off for us this morning," Lindsay explained, opening the unlocked car and checking to make sure the keys were in the jockeybox. "He said he left us a surprise."

"Uh-oh."

They loaded the luggage into the bed of the truck and climbed into the cab.

"Oh score!"

"What?"

"He left us Cheetos and Pepsi. That's what I always got when I would go to the hardware store with him. They had a little snack bar in there and he would let me get whatever I wanted."

"Your dad is sweet."

"Yeah, he really is."

"Reminds me of Adam."

"Yeah, me too. You ready for the land of no speed limits?"

"Gun it and hope for the best."

"Our new motto?" Lindsay asked as the old truck literally roared to life.

"T-shirts?"

"Coffee mugs."

"Bumper stickers."

"An awesome franchise."

Austin's hand wrapped tightly around the crap handle as Lindsay sped out of the parking lot.

"Geez, high-ho silver, away!"

Lindsay rolled her eyes and extended her arm in a punching movement.

"Right turn, Clyde."

"If only I had a Chuck Norris quote to top that."

"I will just be calling you Walker from here on out."

"I dig, I dig. So tell me stories. What's that building?"

"That's a screen printing place, just like it says on the sign, Austin."

"Oh. What about that place, is that something exciting?"

"That is a condemned building. It used to be a snowmobile… dealership or whatever. But that over there is the drugstore where I bought my first box of pads."

"Ah, nostalgia."

"And that's the Italian restaurant where my brother choked on a meatball and I gave him the Heimlich and the meatball shot across the room and landed in the mayors wine."

"Your life is like a movie!"

"It was awesome. And there's the boot store. We're going in there later, it's like a leather smell-gasm."

"You're weird."

"And there's the high school where I had the worst hair of my life."

"Hello Tour Guide Barbie."

"Shuttie."

"So um… where's the diner?"

"Burned down. Or bombed. Or hit by a stampede of buffalo."

"Lin."

"I don't go there, alright?"

"Okay. So how far is your parents house?"

"Not far."

"Not far in Montana distance or New York distance?"

"Whichever. They live in one of those towns that's not on the map."

"Tunes?"

"You're not going to find much on the radio."

Austin scoffed and turned the radio on, spinning the dial in both directions.

"Interesting. Static actually carries a beat."

"You're on AM and FM doesn't work in this truck. Get my iPod out."

"Yes your majesty."

"I like that. Use it more."

"Oh dear," Austin chuckled, scrolling through the playlists on the iPod. "Why is there a playlist called "I love you" with songs by Chris Brown, Backstreet Boys, and The Police?"

"Adam made it for me because he loves me. Don't be jealous that Danny can't use iTunes."

"Santana?"

"What? He loves me. I don't care if he shows it with cheesy music."

"I'm unsure if I should be surprised or not."

"Let me know when the consensus is in."

"I'm gonna go with or not."

"That was quick."

"Compared to what?"

Lindsay shrugged.

"When you have to decide what you want for dinner."

"If you know that I have to consider every option and that I will always choose Chinese, then why do you give me more options?"

"Cause I like watching Danny tear menus to absolute shreds in frustration."

"Sadist."

"Correction, easily amused."

"Thorn in my side."

"Partner in crime."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Yes."

"Miss Manners, nice."

"Figured you would enjoy that."

"So proud."

"Do you realize you're talking over those tunes you insisted upon?"

"Are we there yet?"

"Austin!"

Austin giggled and propped her feet up on the dashboard, cracking open both Pepsis and handing one to Lindsay before taking a long swig of her own.

"Think the kids stopped crying yet?" she asked, tracing the hole in the knee of her pants.

"I hope so. I don't want them to be miserable."

"Did you see Ben and Daniel hugging when we walked away?"

"No. Ben was taking it pretty hard. I couldn't look."

"Daniel kept saying "There, there Binyin, don't be sad." It was precious."

"I love how all the kids love each other."

"Me too. They must get it from us."

They drove on in silence for a while, until Lindsay turned down a dirt road.

"I forgot that your parents live so far out in the sticks."

"It's not that far."

"If it's not paved Linds, it's far."

"Snob."

"So?"

"We's gon' eat you alive."

"Come at me bro."

"You know what else?"

"What?"

"My family is going to be utterly confused by us."

"Only if we talk about potable vermin. Or if your mom tries to get us to plant bulbs."

"Did you just call my mom Babette?"

"So what if I did? She's my favorite."

"Oh man, our future."

"What?"

"Babette, Miss Patty."

"Aw crap. Biddy spinsters. Sort of."

"It's not a bad way to go I guess."

"Does this mean Danny is Morrie?"

"The better question is, does this mean I have to dance naked on drums?"

"In your state, I sure hope not."

Lindsay shot her best friend a physically painful glare as she turned onto the gravel driveway.

"Freedom!" Austin exclaimed with a fist pump.

"Nut job."

"This is the first time we've been child and husband-less. Savor it."

"You're free. I'm still knocked up."

"Who's fault is that?"

"You don't want to know," Lindsay answered with a happy grin.

Austin rolled her eyes as the truck came to a stop in front of the barn.

"Home?" she asked as Lindsay let out a deep sigh.

"Yeah. Feels good sometimes."

"Your mom's comin', you'd better go show her your massive girth."

"That's what someone said."

"Gross Lindsay!"

She laughed and got out of the truck, having barely a second to get her footing before her mom wrapped her in a hug.

"Honey, you're huge!"

"Thanks, mom."

"You know what I mean, Lindsay Joy."

"Yes, I do."

"Is he moving?"

"Nah, he's napping I think. He's got an arm somewhere around here, you can probably feel it."

"That never gets old."

"Just wait until she keeps telling you to feel it," Austin said, getting out of the car. "You're gonna get tired of touching that stomach."

"You're the one who always touches it before even saying hello to me," Lindsay accused.

"I said hello once. If I stop meaning it, I'll let you know."

Lindsay rolled her eyes and they gave each other the look that no one else ever noticed or understood.

"Are you girls hungry?"

"Actually, ravenous," Lindsay replied while Austin nodded vigorously.

"Well I've got lunch in there. Leave your bags, dad will get them."

"Alright. Is Taylor here?"

"She's with Josh. They're moving her stuff into his apartment."

"She'll be back for dinner?"

"Yeah. Come in, let me feed you."

They made their way inside where the girls collapsed onto dining room chairs.

"Where's daddy?"

"Out in the barn. Argentina threw a shoe. Do you girls want separate rooms?"

"Nope."

"Girls weekend."

"Gotta share."

"Gab about Jonathan Taylor Thomas."

"Stay up late."

"I'm freezing your bra."

"Bring it on, Messer."

They laughed and Anne shook her head, giving them both a plate of food.

"Are you two always like this?"

"Like what?" they asked, in true question as to what she could be talking about.

"Juvenile."

"Of course we are, mom. It's the best friend code."

"I see. So who's watching the kids while you're gone?"

"We let their dads figure that one out."

"So basically they might forget and have to take said kids to work," Austin giggled.

"Where they would ransack Mac's office."

"I hope that happens."

"Oh my."

"I think they're pretty much covered though. The guys will probably just swap kids when they need to."

"I can't imagine Adam with five kids five and under," Anne chuckled, pulling the bread out of the oven.

"He does pretty well. Isa and Colton keep each other entertained. Ben and Daniel live in their own little world and only come out for food. And Sarah… I don't know what she does but she always tells me that uncle Adam is so cool."

Lindsay snickered and shook her head.

"That's because he lets her do chores. She brings in the paper and takes out the garbage and she even did the dishes the other day."

"Wow."

"She asks to do it and says it makes her feel grown up. He helps her with it and then they read comics."

"I guess uncle Adam is pretty cool."

"Don't tell him that."

* * *

><p>"Linds, why are you giggling?"<p>

"I don't know. I feel like I'm a teenager again. Back in this old room, having a sleepover."

"Not shutting up," Taylor added from her spot on the floor. She'd finally come home after dinner and had been yawning for last few hours before they all decided to go to bed.

"Hey, you used to love our sleepovers!"

"I was eight and you let me have marshmallows for dinner."

"Oh my heavens marshmallows sound so good right now."

"Linds you have been eating everything that anyone has mentioned tonight."

"I didn't get the pepperoni stick."

"Yeah, but remember how awful your heartburn has been lately?"

"You take such good care of me, Aust."

"Of course I do. Someone has to."

Lindsay grinned and rubbed at her stomach, wishing Adam was there to rub it just the way she liked. He always knew just where her aches were, without her having to say it.

"Lin? You alright?"

"Hmm?"

"You haven't said a word."

"Did you ask me something?"

"Taylor just did. Three times."

"Oh. Sorry. What did you ask me?"

"I asked if your dress still fits."

"Yeah, I'd better. I put it on about two weeks ago, and it was loose but yesterday it was just fine."

"Okay."

"And I need to try on those shoes again because the last time I did my feet were swollen."

"She almost tripped down the stairs. It woulda been funny if it didn't scare me to death."

"The look on your face was awesome."

"Fine, I just won't care next time you almost fall to your death."

"Then I'll haunt you."

"Okay, deal."

Taylor snickered and shook her head.

"Are best friends really like this or are you two just weird?"

There was a moment of silence.

"I'm not actually sure on that one. I'll get back to you."

"Nah Lin. I think it's supposed to be like this. Everyone else is just weird."

"That's what we say about everything."

"Have we ever been wrong?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Aust, can you find me another bobby pin?"

"A what?"

"You are not that clueless."

Austin giggled and searched the counter, finding the bobby pin that Lindsay requested.

"I swear, you are never going to survive having daughters."

"What? They'll be just like me. Tangled hair and mismatched clothes and they'll be proud of it."

"Then why does Sarah always ask me to fix her hair because you did it wrong?"

"Because Sarah is a perfectionist."

"I wonder who she gets that from. Certainly not you."

Austin just shrugged and swung her legs back and forth as she sat on the counter and waited for Lindsay to finish her hair and make-up. They had to leave soon to drive to the place where the wedding was being held and it would take a while to set everything up before the actual ceremony. Lindsay's brothers were riding with them on the way because they would have to be there so early, but they would get rides back with their families after it was over.

"Was Taylor nervous when she left this morning?"

"Yeah, I think so. She doesn't show it much. I think she's more nervous about seeing her dad."

"How come?"

"It's only been in the last few years she's even got to know him. She says he's more like an uncle than a father and this is the first time they've seen each other since she was little. It's going to be weird."

"Is your dad still walking her down the aisle?"

"Yes and he's going to bawl."

"Did he cry at your wedding?"

"Right before we started walking he did."

"Adam cried when he saw you."

"I know."

"That made me almost cry."

"Oh Austin you big softie."

"Shut up. You're going to cry today I can already tell."

"Don't say it and maybe it won't happen."

"She's your little girl and she's getting married."

"Let's not talk about that."

"Okay. You know, for all the times I've sat like this and watched you put your face on, I've never seen you do it so fancy before."

"I have to distract everyone from the gigantic stomach," she said, making a face at herself in the mirror.

"You look gorgeous. I don't think I've told you that."

"Oh stop it."

Austin sighed and slid off the counter, lifting Lindsay's chin and making her look in the mirror.

"Look at yourself Lin. You're beautiful. You've never not been."

"I'm huge."

"No you're not. You're pregnant. Doesn't Adam ever tell you this?"

"Yeah, all the time."

"Why don't you believe it?"

"I do. I just… I don't feel pretty when I'm pregnant."

"Well that's too bad because you are."

Lindsay sighed and Austin hugged her tightly.

"I love you even though sometimes you think like a fifteen year old."

"Yes, and you're so mature yourself."

"I'm gonna pinch you."

* * *

><p>Austin didn't always miss her brother. Occasionally she would think about the good points of her childhood and miss the ragamuffin kids they'd been back then. Other times she would remember the times Andrew had thrown her in the car and just driven in a direction, simply to make her feel better. But rarely did she ever miss having her brother around.<p>

Not until the moment that Lindsay's brothers had decided that one little sister wasn't enough and Austin was a perfect candidate for another one.

"Hey Lulu."

"Don't call me that," Lindsay growled, shooting her brother a look. "And stop poking me."

"Okay. I'll poke Austin instead."

"Hey ouch!"

Lindsay snickered as Austin batted Eli's hand away.

"Welcome to the family Aust."

"I thought one brother was bad enough. How did you survive?"

"I can run faster'n them."

"How'd you stop them from bein' irritating in the car?"

Lindsay shrugged.

"Don't think I ever figured that'n out."

"You realize your grammar gets even worse around them right?"

"Yeah an' I can't understand no word you say when you've been in the Bronx."

Austin nodded and pushed Eli away from her again, then moved closer to the door so he couldn't reach her.

"I got to put gas in this old thing. Does one of my brothers want to be kind and do it for me?"

"Nope."

"You're gonna make me get out of this truck, pregnant and in heels and a dress and stand outside and pump gas? Really? What about chivalry? What about kindness? What about standin' up for your baby sister?"

"Waste of time."

"You three realize that the only gas station I can stop at is Brian's. I mean, you do get that, don't you?"

"Pretty much."

"They're going to be the death of me," she muttered, looking over at Austin before rooting around in her purse for some cash. "I swear."

"Okay, I'll make a deal with you. I'll go in and pay if you pump the gas."

"Austin Messer, I love you."

"Best friends are better than brothers."

The guys cheered from the backseat. They loved their sister, but mostly because they could drive her crazy.

Lindsay pulled the truck into the gas station and parked at the pump furthest from the small store.

"So which one is he?" Austin asked peering into the store. "I wanna know which one to bust out my BAMF status on."

Lindsay snorted and shook her head.

"The one at the register."

"The one with the pot-belly?"

"It's a new development, but unfortunately yes."

"Funny, you two match."

"Austin."

"Okay, I'm going."

She jumped out of the truck and Lindsay snickered as she sauntered up to the store.

"You two bring out the worst in each other, don't you?" Jake teased.

"Basically."

A few minutes later Austin walked back to the truck and got in, waiting just a second before she burst into laughter.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"What? Austin!"

"I can't tell you. You'll kill me."

"What?"

"He reminds me a little of Adam."

"I am going to kill you!"

Austin laughed and deflected the slap to her arm before Lindsay got out of the car.

"Does he really remind you of Adam?" Riley asked.

"Nah. I just knew it would bug her."

"Well I officially like you better'n I like her."

"Aw, thanks!"

* * *

><p>"Well, do you feel old?" Austin asked as they watched Taylor dance around the room with her husband.<p>

"Old, but good. I keep looking at her and seeing that little eight year old girl she was when I met her and then I look at her now and I can't believe it's been this long."

"You did a good job with her."

"What do you mean?"

"She's poised and graceful and you can see it in her eyes. She loves just the way you do."

"I'm so proud of her. To come out of the life her mom had made for her and to grow up this good and just… can you even believe it?"

"She couldn't have done it without you."

Lindsay just nodded, grinning as Josh spun Taylor around and then dipped her.

"What was she like when you met her?"

"At first she was just like every other kid. After a while I started to notice that she was different. She was always really careful to do what I said and to mind her manners and to not be any trouble. If I took her out to eat she would always pick the cheapest thing on the menu even if she didn't like it. She never wanted me to come up to her apartment to drop her off, but one day I had to help her carry a science project in. Her mom was on something, passed out on the couch. She kept trying to shoo me out, saying that her mom just took naps a lot, but I knew what was going on. I took her home, I figured we'd go back in a few hours or maybe her mom would call. She never did. I called her all night and she never picked up the phone or called back. I went to the police about it but there was nothing they could do about it, so back home she went."

"And you had to drop her off every time, knowing what she was going home to."

"Yeah. I kept her as much as I could but I couldn't keep her forever."

"Why'd you decide to do that? Volunteer to be there for a kid you didn't even know?"

"Because I'd screwed up so much I felt like I had to make up for it. And because I knew that if I'd had someone like that there for me when no one else was then things wouldn't have happened the way they did. I thought that maybe I could save someone else from being alone."

"Well I think you did, Lin."

They smiled together as Lindsay's brother Jake approached the table, extending his hand to his sister.

"Come on Little, let's twirl."

"Jake, I can't dance like this. I can barely walk like this."

"I'll lead if you learn to follow."

She sighed and took his hand, giggling as he spun her around the room. She missed a few steps but soon found her balance and looked like she'd been doing this her whole life.

"You are much too pretty to be sittin' by yourself when everyone else is dancin', Miss Austin."

Austin looked up and smiled at Lindsay's dad. He was the kind of person you were instantly comfortable around, he loved his family fiercely and he was just the type of man she'd always wished for as a father, instead of the one she'd gotten stuck with.

"Well you've never seen me dance."

"You can't be that bad."

"My husbands feet beg to differ."

"Maybe he never knew how to lead ya. Come on, I'll take ya for a spin."

She giggled and took his hand, letting him lead her in a simple box step.

"See, there's nothin' to be scared of, it's just you and me and the music."

"You're talking to the girl who can fall down when she's just sittin' there."

"Well you seem to be doin' just fine. Besides, there's no way you could be as bad as my daughter."

"I doubt that. She couldn't be a klutz if she tried."

"She never told you about the time she bounced off the trampoline and landed in dog poop?"

Austin snickered.

"No, she didn't."

"She was pretending to be a cheerleader at the time."

"I am gonna give her such crap about that."

Dale chuckled and Austin shook her head, planning the best moment to bring up this new tidbit of embarrassing information.

"Alright we're going to foxtrot. Ready?"

"I can't do dances that have actual names."

"This one is easy. Just left foot, right foot, slow, slow, quick, quick."

"That's too much for me."

"Just smile and no one will know that you don't know what you're doin'."

She laughed as he led her easily around the floor and it was only a few minutes until she got the hang of the pattern and didn't even have to keep repeating the steps in her head.

"She's got her hair done, she's wearing make-up, heels and a dress, and she's dancin'," Lindsay said as she and Jake scooted by. "Be still my heart, the world's about to implode."

"Shut up, Lulu."

They shot each other evil looks before breaking into giggles.

"Alright," Dale said once the song ended. "You can go back to sittin' now."

Austin sighed and shook her head.

"Maybe just one more dance. I think I'm learnin'."

"Alright Miss Austin. One more dance."

* * *

><p>Crickets chirped through the open window as night became ever darker around them. They had both been laying there silently for at least half an hour, letting sleep come when it may, knowing they could sleep in for a little while in the morning. Lindsay stretched a little and wiggled her toes, wishing she could enjoy having a bed all to herself, but really just wishing for Adam's arms around her instead.<p>

Her feet were aching from the dress shoes, her back was aching from standing so long, and she wanted to fall asleep and dream of a spa or at the very least a hot bubble bath. She closed her eyes but within seconds they had snapped open again, as the baby had different ideas about her relaxation. He moved a lot normally, but this time he was stretching and swimming, delivering swift kicks and punches to every bit of her he could reach. She let out a soft giggle as he pressed his foot against her hand.

"What's so funny?" Austin asked from the other bed, near-sleep evident in her voice.

"Baby's moving. A lot," Lindsay replied.

"I'm comin' over there."

The floor creaked as Austin tiptoed over and lay down on the bed, propping her head up on her elbow and resting her hand on Lindsay's stomach.

"Man, he's really going to town, isn't he?"

"He never does this. Not this much at least."

"Is it going to keep you awake?"

"Yeah, but I don't mind."

They fell into silence as the baby continued the in-utero dancing, kicking at Austin's hand then head butting Lindsay's lungs.

"You miss Adam?" Austin asked softly after a while.

"Yeah. A lot."

"You guys are pretty attached."

"We've been together almost every day since we met. This is only the fifth time we've been apart I think. Only the third since we've been married."

"Danny and I broke up and fought enough that we're more used to it and it's not quite as hard for us, but I still miss him."

"I needed this weekend and I don't want to go home early but this kind of sucks."

"I know."

"I don't like sleeping alone," she confessed. "Even though Adam does steal my blankets then accuse me of doing the same thing to him."

Austin chuckled and stood up, walking back over to her bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Having a sleepover," Austin replied, carefully pushing her bed until it was right next to Lindsay's. "I have no idea if I just left scratch marks on the floor."

"Have you seen this floor? No one will care."

They giggled and Austin slid into her own bed, then reached over to touch Lindsay's stomach again.

"Totally invading your personal bubble but I don't think any of the other kids moved quite so much."

"I don't have a personal bubble. You and Adam took that from me."

"Oh we did?"

"He made it really small, and you, Miss "I hate touching people" have pretty much done away with it entirely."

"That's me, making people uncomfortable since 1980."

"I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Thanks."

"I'm serious you know. Sometimes you make me crazy because I can't keep up with you, but I wouldn't change you. Not for anything."

"Really?"

"Really. I love you because you're not normal."

Austin chuckled and shook her head.

"Thanks Lin."

Lindsay smiled and walked her fingers over her stomach for a few moments, loving how the baby's hand followed her.

"The girls and I used to do this, many moons ago," she started softly. "Of course without the gigantic stomach, but the pushing the beds together we did all the time. Pretty much all summer long, every year since we were ten or so. They practically lived here for three months. They only went home to get more clothes usually."

"Your parents didn't mind?"

"Not really. I mean, I'm sure the giggling at three in the morning they could have done without, but they didn't seem to care that much."

"You still miss them a lot?"

Lindsay nodded in the darkness.

"It used to be worse. I miss them of course but having someone there for me… I don't need to miss that anymore."

Austin didn't need clarification, she knew exactly what Lindsay was saying.

"Wouldn't it be nice to still have those people that knew you your whole life?"

"Maybe. I guess it's just different when you get older."

"How come you never talk about them?"

"I don't know. I think I just spent so many years running from it and trying not to remember that now that I'm to the place where it doesn't scare me as much, I just don't know how to talk about it."

"If you ever figure that out, you can tell me. I'll listen."

"I know. You do a lot of that."

"So do you."

They were quiet for a long time, yawning as the baby stopped moving so much.

"What do you think it's gonna be like when you have three boys running around?"

"Loud."

"Stinky."

"I can't wait."

"Are you disappointed it's not a girl?"

"No. I wanted a girl but as soon as we found out it was a boy, I kind of forgot about a girl."

"Think you'll try for a girl later?"

"I don't know. Kinda hard to imagine being pregnant again right now."

"Don't you want a girl?"

"Yeah, of course. But we've always said that what happens is what happens so I'm pretty happy either way."

"You can always borrow my girls when you have a desire to dress something up in frills."

"If I do that they will hate me forever."

"Nah, just a day or two."

Lindsay chuckled softly and placed both hands on her stomach, hoping to lull the baby into actual sleep.

"Hey Lin?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."


	3. Chapter 3

Her feet pounded against the dirt and gravel road as she made her way from the farmhouse to the center of town. She'd never had a bad sense of direction and it hadn't taken long for her to figure out the layout of the town. Lindsay's parents house wasn't as far from town as it seemed, and she had a while to run this morning, so she was taking her time, breathing in the crisp mountain air and enjoying the warmth of the morning.

She'd been sleeping peacefully, minding her own business when she'd felt water on her face. She opened her eyes to find Lindsay standing over her giggling and squeezing her wet hair until it dribbled onto Austin's nose.

"What are you doing?"

"Waking you up. You comin' to church with us? You can say no, I promise."

"I think I'll stay here."

"Alright. We'll be back around noon. Don't worry about lockin' the door if you leave."

Austin had waited until the house was quiet before she got out of bed, throwing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before tying her tennis shoes and heading outside.

Once she started running she found it very hard to stop, and she weaved all over town, not seeing a soul. Most of the businesses were closed and she figured that in such a small town, everyone was at church on a Sunday morning. It was strange to be in such a place where the buildings never reached a tenth floor, the roads only had one lane, and everyone knew everyone else. It was close-knit, she could tell just from what little she'd seen of it, and in some way it reminded her of New York. Outsiders would be obvious, not shunned but never made a real part of the community anyway. She'd laughed when Lindsay described Bozeman as a big city in comparison to the town she'd grown up in, which was tiny, even for Montana. The population couldn't have been much over two thousand and she was surprised they even had a high school, much less a specialized beading store.

Her steps slowed as she rounded the corner onto the only major road in town. The diner was just across the way from her and she stopped running, standing on the corner and just staring at it. Years ago, after Lindsay had told her what happened, she'd gotten online and read as much about the case as she could. Most of what she could find was stuff on the trial, but with a little investigating she'd been able to find copies of the original newspaper articles. She'd worked backwards, preparing herself for that first article, the front page covered in a picture of the diner, crime tape criss-crossing the doors, the haunting words about one survivor. She'd read that line over and over again, her heart beating faster at the thought that a slight change in timing, one stray bullet and she would have lost her best friend before they even met.

Thinking of it now, when she was standing so close to the very place where it had all happened made the hair stand up on the back of her neck. Taking a deep breath, she crossed the street and peeked into the windows.

The entire place had been renovated, and casual passers-by would never know what had gone on here. The entire building was different now and she wondered how the diner had stayed in business, especially in such a small town. Then she saw the line of pictures above the registers. Lindsay's friends and the young waitress were all smiling back at her from the frames. Their names were displayed under their pictures and while it wasn't a cross on the side of the road, it was a fitting memorial for the girls whose lives had barely started. She didn't have to see their names to know who they were, the pictures in the paper had been burned into her mind. Amy Hartman, Stephanie Lewis, Kelly Flannery and the waitress Lisa Kade.

She knew Lindsay had not been back in since that night and had avoided it like the plague as much as she could. Austin had done the same thing with her parent's basement, but a few years ago, she'd had no choice but to face it. She shook the memory from her head, for as painful and terrifying as it had been, she rarely dreamed of that place anymore. And in her heart, she knew Lindsay needed that release too. It had started with the trial, with that psychopath finally being put behind bars, but it had to come full circle, and she needed to face the place that scared her so much. She had to go in.

Letting out a long sigh, Austin started up running again, blinking away the thoughts and focusing on the color of the flowers, the monstrosity of the sky and mountains that were so tall they took her breath away. It was no wonder Lindsay was so in love with this place, no wonder she'd barely stopped smiling since they arrived. It was beautiful here, in a way the New York City could never match. She'd probably miss this when they went home.

About half a mile from the house she started to sprint, using the adrenaline that had been pumping through her veins since she'd set her feet onto the ground earlier. She found herself in love with the crunching gravel under her shoes and she ran harder, listening to it and keeping it in her memory. Once she made it to the house she slowed back down and collapsed onto the porch, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes as birds chirped around her. It was a peaceful end to the run and she took a deep breath, figuring she would stay like that for a little while.

"Hey look, roadkill!"

Austin cracked her eyes open and found Lindsay and her parents standing there in their Sunday best, grinning widely.

"Went for a run," she explained, sitting up. "What?"

"Nothin'. You gonna clean up so you can eat lunch with us or shall we serve it to you out here?"

"I'm not one of the kids Linds."

"Had me fooled."

Austin grimaced at her as she leaned down and offered a hand to pull her up.

"Thanks," Austin said, raking her hair out of her eyes. "How was church?"

Lindsay gave a half shrug as her parents went inside.

"It's always kind of weird. It's still a part of me but it's also so buried and kind of painful. I don't hate going but I don't love it either."

"You look a little different."

"It's just strange. Anyway, you ran?"

"Yeah, just into town and back. It's gorgeous out here."

"Yes it is. I can't wait to have all three of my boys out here, watching them play in the dirt and run through the fields and climb the trees."

"I want my kids to do that too. Feel the earth under their feet."

"Maybe a summer trip sometime."

"Isa would love it out here. All that room to run."

"I can see it. Sarah would love bonfires."

"And Daniel would love S'mores."

Lindsay chuckled.

"Maybe we can have a bonfire tonight. I haven't gotten to have one in a long time."

"I know. It would be really nice."

"Yeah."

"I'm going to go shower and call Danny."

"And I am going to stay out here and call Adam. I'll let you know when lunch is ready."

"Is the rest of the family coming?"

"Yeah, they'll be here in an hour or so."

Austin nodded and went inside while Lindsay yawned and picked up her phone. She wasn't sure if the boys were out or if they were spending the day inside, or if they even missed her yet. She sat down on the porch swing and rocked gently back and forth, waiting for someone to answer the phone.

"Hey babe."

"Hey. You sound tired."

"I was takin' a nap. The boys both crashed, I figured I might as well."

"Were they up late?"

"Not that late but they woke up really early. We had breakfast and went to the park for a while, then to the bookstore and out to lunch. When we got home they both went upstairs and crawled into bed without being asked."

"Their own beds or ours?"

"They both got into Colton's bed."

"Take a picture for me."

"I will. How's my littlest son?"

"Pretty good. He's been moving a lot today, too many people touching my stomach I think."

"He's not a people person."

"Apparently."

"And how are you doing?"

"I'm good. I miss my boys a lot though. I wish you were here."

"Yeah, we miss you too, but we had a talk about how mama needs a break sometimes."

"It's been nice to just get away and not have to worry about anything for a while."

"You deserve it, honey. This last year hasn't been easy and you've needed to get away and breathe for a while."

"Yeah."

"You sound a little blue, honey."

"I'm not. It's just Sunday."

"Ah. Church this morning."

"Yeah. It actually felt really good to be there. To just be kind of peaceful for a while. But I just kept thinking about how it didn't feel right to be there without you."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know. It just feels like something that important I shouldn't be doing without you."

"Oh. You must miss me."

"I do. A lot."

"How was the wedding?"

"It was good. She was beautiful and happy and Josh looks at her the same way you look at me."

"He must really love her then."

"He does. Taylor said you called her yesterday morning."

"Well, I just wanted to tell her that I love her and I wish I could have been there."

"You're a good man."

"I do my best. So what are you up to today?"

"The family's coming over, so probably getting lots of noogies and wet willies and junk."

"Your brothers do love you."

"They love me because I make a good target."

"You're cute."

She smiled and shook her head.

"I really miss you babe."

"I miss you too. Have you been sleeping okay?"

"Not bad, but I think that's due in part to jet lag."

"Okay. If you need someone to talk you to sleep, you can call me."

"Maybe. Though I am pretty sure Austin would never let me forget it."

"Probably not."

"I need to go help mom get lunch ready. Give the boys a kiss for me."

"I will. Danny's coming over to watch the game tonight, so if you girls wanted to Skype with the kids, maybe around six?"

"Okay, we'll be there."

"I'll talk to you later babe. I love you."

"Love you too."

They hung up and she stared at the phone for a moment, wishing for his arms around her for just one simple second. She knew she couldn't have it but she also knew that she was going to get a whole lot longer than just one second when she got home, so she could hold on for a few more days.

She went into the house and considered going upstairs to change, but finding that she was pretty comfortable in the skirt. Grabbing an apron off the pantry wall, she joined her mom in the kitchen, wordlessly peeling the five pounds of potatoes that had been set by the sink.

"Doesn't anyone help you cook Sunday dinner?" she asked, looking at the magnitude of food sitting around and wondering how her mom managed to make enough to feed a small army.

"Your dad helps," Anne said with a shrug. "But mostly I just get it ready during the week, since I don't have much cooking to do for just the two of us. Everybody brings a little something to share too, I don't cook everything."

"Well alright."

They fell into silence for a moment before Lindsay sighed and spoke.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Are you ready to finally be empty nesters? Like, completely?"

"I don't know. It's going to be hard to have such an empty house all the time."

"Yeah. Plus, you're way too young for it."

"Oh stop it. I didn't raise you to be a liar."

Lindsay giggled and shook her head.

"Well then you at least look too young for it."

"Thank you my dear. I can only hope I passed those good genes along."

* * *

><p>"Mama!"<p>

"Hi ma!"

Lindsay and Austin giggled as Colton and Isa greeted them from the computer screen, trying hard to fit onto the chair together.

"What are you doin' over there?" Colton asked, scooting closer to the screen.

"Well all your aunts and uncles and cousins are over for dinner."

"Is it so loud over there?"

"Yeah, it's pretty loud."

"My mama's family is nutso, Isa," Colton explained, shaking his head. "They like to scare each other and laugh really a lot. It is a crazy house."

"Our family is like that," Isa confirmed with a nod. "We are crazy."

"Nah, I think just you're crazy," Austin teased.

"Hey, wanna know the crazy thing that just happened?"

"No Colt, I wanna tell 'em!"

"It happened in my home, I get to tell them!"

"But I am a ladies first, so me!"

"No Isa, I started to say it before you!"

"Colt!"

Within seconds they had started wrestling and had fallen off the chair. They weren't really mad at each other, they just liked to argue and Lindsay and Austin giggled as Sarah climbed up into the chair, ignoring the fight on the floor below her.

"Hi ma. Hi auntie. I will tell you what is happening. The little boys was upstairs alone. Then we heard the toilet flush. And then they screamed. And then Adam went up there and he sweared real loud. So daddy went up there and he sweared real loud too. And then they argued for a bit. Then they sended the boys to the room and told them not to come out. I goed up there and daddy said that the boys put Legos in the toilet and flushed it. And it was a lot of Legos. A whole set. And they are tryna get it out. And Daniel and Benjamin are cryin' in the room because they are in so much trouble. Also the little scary bathroom downstairs started to flood too, so I telled Adam and he sweared again. And then he said what if there is poo in the walls and daddy laughed and laughed and they are wearin' rubber gloves and they look funny."

"Well that is quite a story," Austin chuckled. "Did anyone clean up the mess in the little bathroom?"

"Well, daddy putted towels on the floor but then Adam said those were the good towels and daddy called him a cupcake and then I got hungry for a cupcake and I asked for one and they both did a big breath so I came in here."

"Are they upstairs or downstairs now?"

"They're running back and forth."

"Did they turn the water off?"

"I dunno."

"Can you go tell them to turn the water off?"

"Yep, be right back."

She hopped off the chair and ran into the other room. After a second they could hear her yelling up the stairs.

"Hey! Auntie says to turn the water off!"

She came back and climbed onto the chair again.

"I telled them. Now I have a question."

"What's that?"

"What if I have to go potty?"

The girls burst into laughter, glad they weren't there to try and figure that one out.

"Aw man, Sarah you told them already?" Isa asked, popping up from the floor, her hair a mess after her scuffle with Colton.

"Yep. You two was wrestlin' in the house."

"Oh."

The three kids squeezed onto the chair and continued talking over each other about what they'd done that day and how much they missed their mothers and asking how long it would be before they would come home.

"Hey mama, Junior and Ben just comed down here. I think they are supposed to be in the room for what they done."

"I'll let daddy worry about that. For now they can drag up another chair so we can talk to them too."

There was a loud scratching on the floor as the little boys did just that.

"Hi mama. Ben done a bad," Ben greeted, pushing his glasses up. "Daddy's upset."

"Yeah, I bet he is."

"He holler at Ben. Ben knowed better."

"Yes, you do, don't you?"

"Yup. Daddy love Ben still?"

"Yes, he does."

"Okay. Dunner sad."

"What are you sad buddy?"

"My fav'rit Lego is down in the potty!"

"Why did you put your Legos in the toilet anyway?"

"We was cleanin' 'em," Junior explained with a shrug. "Binyin sneeze on it."

"Yup. Ben do that."

"Hey mama I forgot to tell ya! I learned all the rap words to the Jason Aldean song and today I was singing it and I singed the part about knockin' the loud mouth out and daddy got me in trouble and I had to tell him it was just a song! And then he did not believe me and so I had to find it on the computer and you know how hard that is because I cannot read yet?"

"That sounds terrible."

"It was, mama. But then I finded it in your music and daddy rolled his eyes because it was a country man trying to rap so then I made him listen to the one with Ludacris in it and he covered his ears and said they was gonna bleed if I not turn off that bad noise."

"You tell your daddy he needs to stop being a music snob and remind him that he likes Phil Collins."

"I will remember that."

"Phil Collins?" Austin asked with a grin. "Serious?"

Lindsay nodded and grinned.

"Know what we had for dinner? Fruit snacks and toast!"

"Is that all you had?"

"Yep! Uncle Dum didn't do no shoppin' so that's all that was left for us kids. Then after we ate they got pizza!"

"They did?"

"Yup. It was daddy's idea and so they got pizza and wouldn't let us have any."

Austin chuckled.

"Yeah but now they have to clean up the toilet and you don't."

"Yep!"

There was a squeaking noise and Adam came around the corner, dressed in camo waders, pink rubber gloves, holding a toilet plunger.

"Oh. Hey babe," he greeted with a little wave as the kids all turned to look at him. "Do you know where the number for the plumber is at?"

"Yeah, it should be right next to the computer in that address book," she answered while Austin tried to hold in her laughter. She didn't succeed and had to stand up and walk away.

"I found it. Thanks."

"Hey, are those the waders my dad got you for Christmas?"

"Yeah, and you still never took me fishin' so I figured I might as well use them for something."

"Is the toilet overflowing that much?"

"Nah, I just didn't want to risk my jeans."

"Okay. Well you'd better go take care of that."

"Alright. Love you."

"Love you too."

He squeaked away and the kids turned back to the screen while Austin returned to her seat.

"Daddy look funny," Ben commented. "Like Mario."

"Mario does not have pink gloves, Ben. Or a plungy."

Austin couldn't stop laughing, especially when Lindsay pulled up the screen shot she'd taken of Adam in his outfit.

"I can't even… I don't… he looked ridiculous!"

"Welcome to my life, Aust."

* * *

><p>The fire crackled comfortingly as the night became colder and they propped their feet up on the edge of the pit. They were both wearing lounge pants and hoodies, sinking down into the Adirondack chairs and just breathing with the rhythm of the wind. Everyone had long since gone home and Lindsay's parents had just turned in for the night.<p>

Austin breathed in deeply and stared up at the stars, overwhelmed with their brightness and magnitude. Even the times she'd been far away from the city, the sky had never looked this big and bright.

"I would like to never leave," she sighed.

"You would go crazy without the city."

"Maybe. But I think I could get used to this too. Retire out here."

"This fresh air is makin' you nuts."

"Do you know the names of the stars?"

"I wanted to learn when I was little but no one taught me so I just kind of made it up."

"Remember any of them?"

"No, not really. I know there was one named John Wayne."

"You're such a hick."

"Adam tried to teach me once, on our honeymoon."

"Didn't go so well?"

"I got bored and pulled him back into our room."

"Just stop right there."

Lindsay chuckled and spun her wedding ring around her finger, watching how it glinted in the firelight.

"Scale of one to ten, how much do you miss Adam?"

"Ten. How much do you miss Danny?"

"Ten."

"Should we call 'em?"

"Nah, let them miss us a little."

"Hey Austin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for coming out here with me. It wouldn't have been as much fun on my own."

"Anytime. I think we need to make these trips a normal thing. Get away from home for a while and just do whatever we want."

"I think you're right."

They were silent for a while and Lindsay sat up a little more, turning to face her friend.

"What's the matter Lin?"

"Nothing. I just…I don't think I ever say thank you enough. If it wasn't for you Austin… I don't know what would have happened to me. Just knowing that you were there helped a lot. I owe you big time."

"No you don't, Lin. You got better and you gave me my best friend back. And as much as you don't know what you would do without me, I don't know what I would do without you. And that is the reason that I will never, ever leave you."

"I think we're lucky."

"Your brother says we're "friend-bians."

Lindsay laughed.

"What in the world is a friend-bian?"

"Apparently friends who would be together if they were gay."

"I think I'm just going to take that as a compliment on the very close and mature relationship we have."

"I think so too because for as hot as you are, no offense, but it kinda creeps me out a little."

"Likewise."

"That doesn't mean I'm gonna stop hugging the crap out of you every chance I get."

"You have such a way with words Aust."

"I've spent years cultivating the art. It would be a shame not to use it."

"Austin Messer, my life would suck without you."


	4. Chapter 4

Instead of waking to birds singing the next morning, Lindsay woke to one of the most well known song intros of all time. She was a little worried about what she would find when she opened her eyes, but she did it anyway.

And she found Austin, fist pumping in time with "Eye of the Tiger" while spinning around the room. For a moment Lindsay didn't say a word, didn't smile, didn't laugh, just took in the scene before her. But then Austin started dancing, doing a mangled up version of the running man and the robot and Lindsay burst into hysterical laughter, totally unsure if she was witnessing something normal or not.

"It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight, risin' up to the challenge of our rival. And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night, and he's watchin' us all with the eye of the tiger!"

Lindsay couldn't take it anymore, burying her face in her hands as laughter tears rolled down her cheeks. Obviously, someone had woken up on the right side of the bed.

"What in the world was that?" Lindsay laughed as Austin flopped down next to her.

"I just thought I would wake you up."

"Like that? I don't know if I will ever sleep again."

"Hey, it was better than throwing water on you or something."

"It can't be late enough for drastic measures like that."

"It's almost ten."

"I haven't slept this late since before Colton was born I think."

"Well you must have needed it. Now come on, get up. We told Stella we would go antique shopping for her, remember?"

"Yeah. And I have to take you to the boot place."

"Oh yes. Get movin', I already went for a run and had breakfast with your mom."

"Oh great."

"What? She didn't tell me any embarrassing stories… trick rider."

"Jake didn't put the saddle on tight enough! It wasn't my fault."

"No, but the image of it in my head is hilarious."

Lindsay scoffed and struggled off the bed, raking her hair out of her eyes.

"I'm going to go get ready and then we can go."

Austin nodded and watched her go, then stood up and straightened the beds before grabbing her phone and sitting down in the window seat. She knew Lindsay had been calling Adam every chance she got, but she hadn't been calling Danny nearly as much. They were more used to being apart. But this morning she had woken up missing him terribly and she knew she needed to hear his voice for just a few minutes or she'd miss him all day long.

"Hey baby," he greeted, the laziness of his voice making her heart skip.

"Hey."

"What are you wearing?"

She snorted a laugh and shook her head.

"A cowboy hat and boots. Nothin' else."

"Montana's ruined you. Normally you answer with just a Yankees cap."

"Yes well I thought you might need a new visual."

"Don't do this to me, I'm at work."

"You shouldn't have asked."

"Devil woman."

"Sorry, baby. Fair is fair, you answered with that voice."

"You mean this one?" he asked, dropping down an octave.

She giggled and pressed the phone closer to her ear.

"I can't wait to come home. You'd better carve out a whole night."

"Oh don't worry. It's on the calendar."

"Well look at you all organized and junk. I'm proud and slightly turned on."

"Just slightly?"

"I can't allow myself much more."

"We'd better watch our language because I know exactly where this is going."

"Yes, let us practice decorum."

There was a long pause before she burst into laughter.

"I didn't make it."

"Neither did I."

"Danny… I really miss you."

"I miss you too baby. It's not the same here without you."

"I know."

She let that sink in for a moment, feeling guilty for leaving him to go to California so many years ago. It still stuck with her sometimes, that feeling of being the one that ran away, and as hard as she'd worked to forgive herself, missing him like this made it worse.

"I love you, Danny."

"I love you too, Austin."

They rarely said it so plainly and solidly and she felt for a moment that they were right next to each other.

"Baby, I gotta go."

"Alright."

"You girls be good, don't get into trouble and please come home with all your body parts intact."

"I promise."

They didn't say goodbye, just disconnected the call and she sat there, staring out over the fields, watching the cows graze and wondering how in the world Lindsay had ever gotten the courage and desire to leave this place.

* * *

><p>"You know, I think it's funny," Austin started as they left the boot store.<p>

"What is?"

"How you and I both hate to shop but we always end up doing so much of it together."

"I know. Maybe we just hate it less when we don't have to go alone."

"Maybe. Danny's going to kill my for buying those boots."

"No he's not. They weren't that expensive and they'll last until you're a great-grandmother, plus if you wear them with some Daisy Dukes I'm sure he won't mind how much you spent."

"Wow, did you somehow listen in on our conversation this morning?"

"So don't want to know."

"Hey, you gross me out all the time. My turn."

Lindsay chuckled and shook her head as they went into the next store. Stella had asked if they could find a piece for her living room so she could finally be done decorating. She said she'd looked everywhere but she needed something old, preferably made of wood and if it had any ivory coloring on it, that would be a bonus. She'd looked all over New Orleans, not that she had much time for that anyway, and had come up empty handed.

"Well good morning Lindsay!" came a happy greeting from the counter. An older woman hustled their way, wrapping Lindsay in a hug.

"Mornin' Mabe."

"Your brother came by earlier, said you were in town for the weddin'. I was hoping you'd stop by."

"Well I am on a mission and you always have snickerdoodles layin' around."

"There's a plate on the counter. Now tell me, are you finally going to buy that quilt you've been dreaming about for the last fifteen years?"

Lindsay sighed and handed a cookie to Austin before she took one for herself.

"Well… it's pink."

"So?"

"I have a husband and two boys, not to mention a third boy on the way. I have no place for pink in my house."

"Now just you wait a minute here young lady. You are still a girl and therefore still need some girly things in your house no matter how many boys you have running around. Besides, no one said you'll never have a girl."

"But-"

"Lindsay, you've been dreaming of this quilt for almost half your life. It's been sitting here waiting for you for a reason. I think it's time."

"Will you ship it?"

"Yes."

She thought for a moment, her fingers running over the pattern that she knew so well. She didn't know what it was about this particular quilt, but she'd always been drawn to it, since she was a teenager, helping her brother deliver cord wood to the businesses around town. She remembered the first day she saw it, the winter before her life had spiraled out of control. She'd come to the store with Jake to deliver wood, but then he'd struck up a conversation with Mabe's granddaughter who was visiting over Christmas break. Lindsay had wandered off, looking through the store at all the antiques until her eyes had found the quilt. She didn't know how long she stared at the gentle pink colors and the star pattern but she knew she wanted it. She didn't have much money back then, and the price tag and nearly made her stagger back in shock. There had been other visits here over the years and each time she'd been drawn to it, wondering what it would be like to wrap herself up in it.

"Okay. Sold."

"You have been my most difficult customer," Mabe said with a laugh, taking the quilt off the stand.

"Well then you've really earned this sale. Here, have a cookie."

They laughed together as Mabe boxed the quilt up and Lindsay wrote her address on the box.

"Alright, now what did you two really come in for?"

Lindsay gave her a brief description of what Stella wanted, and the three of them spent the next half hour leisurely browsing through the treasures in the store.

"I think I need this," Lindsay said, unearthing a piece of wall art made out of old fence posts. The text was one she had seen before but usually just on posters, never like this.

_In this Home, We laugh loudly, We make mistakes, We say I'm sorry, We are patient, We cherish friends, We honor family, We are grateful, We share, We love deeply._

"I think you need it too, in the dining room," Austin agreed.

"Well then why don't you get this one?" Lindsay asked producing a sign with a similar saying from behind hers.

_In this house, We do second chances, We do grace, We do real, We do mistakes, We do I'm sorry, We do loud really well, We do hugs, We do family, We do love._

"You just think it's fitting for the loud part."

"Well yeah."

"Okay, I'm getting it."

"What was that we were saying about not liking to shop?"

"The guys are gonna kill us."

The gathered up their purchases, including a few small pieces for Jo and an old mantle clock for Stella. Everything was wrapped up and put into boxes to be shipped as none of it would fit into their luggage, and they started to leave the store.

"Now Lindsay, don't you forget to send me a picture of that baby when he gets here."

"Don't worry, you're on the list."

"Alright. Stay healthy sweetheart."

"I will. You too."

They left the shop and Austin grinned, tucking her hair back behind her ear.

"I love this place."

"Why?"

"Just how everyone knows you and they all care about everyone else."

"Yeah. I don't know how much I miss it until I come home. I wish the boys could have that, but I think they got pretty lucky with our family."

"I think so too."

They walked down the street a little more, peeking in store windows while Lindsay told stories about the town. She was obviously proud of the little hamlet in which she'd grown up, and Austin loved hearing the stories, simply because it was a side of Lindsay she barely knew. They walked for a long time, slowly, just enjoying the fact that they had nowhere to be and no set time to be there. It was a freedom neither of them had felt since becoming mothers and they were soaking up every second of it.

Lindsay was so caught up in it that she didn't notice they were on Main street until she was standing less than fifty feet from the diner. She stopped cold and backed up a few steps, shaking her head.

"We need to go the other way," she said, starting to cross the street.

"No."

"Austin."

"No. We're going to walk right by it. Come on."

"But-"

"No excuse Lindsay Ross. Come on."

Lindsay took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment as they walked by the diner. She couldn't help the shiver that ran up her spine and she clenched her hands up, whether in fright or defense, she wasn't sure.

"See? You made it."

"Let's get out of here."

"No. We need lunch and they serve lunch and you are going in."

"Austin. No."

"Yes. You need to go in that diner Lindsay because the longer you avoid it, the longer you're going to be scared of it."

"I don't think you understand, Austin. We can't go in there."

"You're not going alone. I am going to be right there with you."

Lindsay couldn't make her mouth form the words to say that that was what she was scared of, and just walking past the place had sapped all her protesting energy. She didn't want to move, but she didn't want to chicken out in front of Austin either, so she carefully moved one foot in front of the other, taking a deep breath before grabbing the handle on the door and pushing it open.

The bell had been removed and for that she was glad for it was one of the most haunting sounds she'd ever heard. Slowly she opened her eyes and found everyone in the diner staring at her. She knew this would happen and it was enough to make her tuck tail and run, but Austin was standing in her way.

"Deep breath," she said softly, pushing her towards the counter. Lindsay moved, her hands shaking while the baby kicked harshly, as if he knew what was going on.

"Lindsay."

"Abe."

The older man came out from behind the counter, wiping his hands on his white apron and causing everyone in the diner to turn back to what they were doing. He and Lindsay looked at each other for a moment, something passing between them before he drew her into his arms.

"It's good to see you, young one."

"Not so young anymore," she whispered.

He pulled away from her after a moment, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

"What can I get for you? A cup of coffee?"

"One decaf, one regular," Lindsay said, finding her voice and sitting down at the counter. Austin joined her as Abe poured them each a cup of coffee, then handed them the menus. Lindsay stared down at the front of the menu, breathing shallowly while Austin reached over and touched her wrist, checking her pulse.

"Lin."

"It's um… he changed the name. It used to just be called Abe's. This drawing on the top of the menu. It's one of Amy's. She won first prize at the fair for it. She called it half moon. Half Moon Diner."

Austin looked down at the intricate drawing, a cabin in a clearing in the woods, a half moon shining brightly over it. Lindsay's pulse was racing under her fingers, and she scooted the cup of coffee closer to her.

"Take a breath, Lin. It's okay."

Lindsay closed her eyes and held onto the counter, telling herself that this whole place was different now. It had been completely changed, it was set up differently, there was a new color scheme, and besides its geographical location it had nothing in common with the place that had haunted her for so long. Everything would be fine.

"Do you want to eat?" Austin asked after a moment. "You need something."

"I can't right now."

"Okay. You know, this coffee is pretty good."

"Yeah."

"I wonder what kind it is."

"I dunno."

"Lin, could you talk to me?"

"I'm just trying to breathe right now."

"Okay. Do you want to stay and eat something or should we scram once the coffee's gone?"

Lindsay just shook her head in response and Austin sighed, taking a crayon out of the basket on the counter and drawing a tic-tac-toe setup on a napkin. She placed an X in it, then slid it over to Lindsay who gave a weak grin and added an O. They continued for a long time using up several napkins and having even more cat's games. They were both competitive people, but something like this really didn't bring out that spirit in either one of them. It had gotten a few smiles out of Lindsay and her hands had stopped shaking, so Austin called it a success.

Lindsay picked up her mug again, glancing down and finding it nearly empty, just the smallest bit left in the bottom, staining the cup. Almost before her mind knew why her heart started to race. She took a deep breath in an attempt to stop the flashback, but it was coming anyway. Her coffee cup had been empty that night, her plate of fries long gone and she had stacked the mug on the plate just before getting up to wash her hands. It all pounded back through her head and she knew she was going to have to get out soon.

She stood up from the stool and made her way to the door while Austin slapped some money down on the counter and followed her. It took her over a block to catch up, but she wasn't really trying, knowing that Lindsay needed a little space.

"Lin," she said, grabbing her shoulders and spinning her around. The look in her eyes was one she had never seen before and it scared her right down to her toes.

"Why did you make me do that?" she snapped, her voice rough but quiet. Austin gaped at her for the split second before she stalked off again, throwing the truck door open and climbing inside. Austin followed a little slower, seriously considering taking the keys, but knowing her best friends intense need to drive when life overwhelmed her. It was good Montana didn't have a speed limit because Lindsay flew down the road faster than a bat out of hell, probably to the point where a cop would have pulled her over. Her hands were shaking against the wheel as she screeched the car to a halt in front of the house, throwing it into park and nearly ripping the key out of the ignition. She slammed the door closed, barely breathing as she made her way to the house. She was just at the porch steps when Austin caught her, spinning her around and holding her in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, Lin. I'm sorry. But you're okay now. You're safe and you're with me and you're not there anymore. Nothing's going to happen to you."

"You don't get it, do you?" Lindsay said, choking back the sob that had started somewhere in the middle of Austin's reassurances. "It's not about me. It was never about me."

She tried to pull away but Austin kept a firm grip on her.

"Then make me get it, Linds! Tell me why being in there almost made you pass out. If you're not worried about you then tell me what scares you so bad."

"Losing you!" Lindsay shouted, tears pouring down her face as the wind blew against them. "That place took my best friends from me and I can't let that happen again. Do you understand that? It will kill me but only because it could kill you first."

Austin didn't argue with her that the diner was just a place. She knew that it was hell for her. She understood that better than anyone else did.

"Lin, I'm alright. Nothing happened in there, did it?"

"Why did you make me risk it?" Lindsay whispered, sinking down onto the porch steps, trying to catch her breath. Austin was quiet and sat down next to her, reaching over and checking her pulse once more.

"You know, I went down into my parents basement a few years back," she said quietly, knowing that even they had never talked about it, her voice softly and gently could bring her best friend back to a place where she wasn't scared.

"Why?"

"Because my mom asked me to go down there and get something for her. I freaked out, Linds. I was caught so hard in a flashback that I couldn't come out of it. My dad heard me scream and he came down and got me. I think I was more scared then than I ever was before. And then I let them have it. I screamed at both of them for all they'd done to me and everything they'd neglected to do for me. I think I could have killed them with my words. It hurt. It hurt to feel all that again and it hurt to hear them apologize. I'm not trying to gloss over it, but the point that I am making here is that since that day I haven't had a nightmare about that basement. You know how big that is for me."

Lindsay nodded and took a breath, running her hand over her stomach to calm her wiggling child.

"That's why Adam and I put that bookshelf in the hallway. We didn't want you to see that basement door."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Thank you."

A quiet moment passed between them and Austin waited for Lindsay's pulse to slow down closer to normal before she started speaking again.

"I made you go in there Lin because I wanted you to be free from it. I wanted you to conquer it. I love you and I don't want it to hold you back anymore."

Lindsay sighed and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Lin. I'm so sorry, I should have talked to you before just shoving you in there."

"Don't be sorry. You were right. And I know you did it because you love me. It just all started coming back and you were there and all the sudden I felt like I did when I heard that first gunshot. Except this time I knew how bad it was going to be and I could see it and I had to get out of there before it happened again."

"I didn't think about that Lin. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm not mad at you. It just scared me."

Austin sighed and wrapped her arms around Lindsay, holding her without saying a word for several minutes.

"I'm not goin' away, Lin. Not anytime soon. And if I ever do, I need you to know that I never wanted to. And I need you to know that every time you think you need me, you have enough strength in you to get through it."

"I know."

"Can you stand up or do you want to sit there a while?"

"Let's just sit. I need to be quiet."

* * *

><p>It was much too early to be awake and she really was tired but she couldn't make herself fall back to sleep. Maybe it was the heightened hormones and all the emotions of the day, but she really missed Adam and she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to sleep without him. Carefully she got out of bed and grabbed her cell phone, making her way downstairs and outside to the front porch. It was five a.m. New York time but he wouldn't mind answering the phone for her. She sat down on the porch swing and a breeze blew gently over her as she hit the speed dial and waited for his sleep soaked voice on the other end.<p>

"Hey babe."

"Hey," she greeted back with a smile, even though she could feel a lump rising in her throat.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just can't sleep. I miss you."

"I miss you too."

She could hear him moving around in the bed and she closed her eyes, wishing she was there next to him. They sat in silence for a few moments, listening to each other breathe. He could hear the crickets chirping on her end and he smiled, knowing exactly where she was and how she was sitting.

"How's Thing Three?" he asked after a moment.

"He's good. He won't stop moving. Stretching or something."

"He's a lot more active than Colton and Ben were. Should we be worried about our sanity?"

She giggled.

"I think we already should have been worried."

He smiled and she sighed, running her hand over her stomach.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to come home."

"Oh sweetie, you can't do that. You need some time away. So does Austin. Only a few more days and then you'll be back."

"I just," she started, her eyes filling with tears and her breath hitching in her throat. "I just really miss you."

"I know."

"I miss how you rub my stomach to get me to fall asleep. And you smell really good. And I just need to see you and talk to you and kiss you and I'm pathetic because it's only been a few days but I just can't handle this."

"Lindsay."

"I need your arms around me really bad."

He sighed softly and she could hear him pulling what was probably her pillow under his head.

"And I need you in my arms too. It won't be much longer sweetie. I miss you just as much as you miss me."

"I know. I just…"

"Just what?"

"I really, really, really love you."

"I really, really, really love you too babe. Really."

She smiled and calmed her tears with a sigh.

"Go back upstairs and try to sleep. I already know that you and Austin have pushed your beds together like you're twelve years old."

"Shut up," she giggled.

"Goodnight sweetie. We'll be waiting for you when you get home."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

They hung up and she went back inside, slowly making her way upstairs.

"You okay?" Austin asked as she climbed back into the bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Miss him?"

"Yeah. A lot."

"I called Danny while you were gone. We must have pretty good men if we miss them this much."

"Yeah, I think we do."

"Tell me a story."

"What kind of story?"

"I don't know. Something that will help you fall asleep. Something dumb. Something you've never told anyone before."

"Before Adam and I got engaged, when he went to Arizona for the weekend, he wanted me to take care of the cats. I ended up just staying over at his place because I missed him. I never told him that because I didn't want him to think I had issues, but apparently that's the least of my problems."

"He never knew you stayed there?"

"Nope. I think he was suspicious because he mentioned how his pillows smelled like me."

"Oh my word."

"What?"

"Nothing. Its kind of cute actually. That you missed him that much, even then."

"I really did. I always miss him when we're apart. It's hard to explain because you would think after this long I would have figured out how to cope, but it gets worse every time."

"How can I help you?"

"I don't know."

"I'll cuddle you."

"Okay," Lindsay chuckled as Austin scooted closer.

"You remember years ago when we said that sometimes we would ditch the boys and do stuff like this?"

"Yeah."

"I'm glad we actually do."

"Remember back when we wouldn't be caught dead huggin' each other?"

"It really didn't take us long, did it?"

"I think we needed each other a lot back then. We didn't have much of anyone else."

"You know, earlier I was wondering how you could have left this place. I was thinking about how beautiful it is and I was watching you with all these people you grew up around that seem to love you and I just wondered how you could have left all this good stuff for a place you didn't know. And I still don't know why, but I am so, so glad you did."

"Sometime I'll tell you, but for now I'll just sum it up with, I'm glad I did too."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry this took me so long to publish. I was stuck on the same two lines for weeks, but finally with some googling, I was inspired. Just two more chapters after this one!

* * *

><p>"Girls did you put sunscreen on?"<p>

"Mom, are you serious?" Lindsay scoffed, throwing her hair up into a messy ponytail.

"Of course I am serious, dear. You two should be careful, the sun could literally kill you."

She gave them a wink to let them know she was only half serious.

"Yeah mom, we'll be sure to slather on the SPF. You know because there's nothing in that that could be harmful either."

"What?"

"Don't listen to her, she's on one of her "the chemicals are out to get us" kicks. It won't last long," Austin explained, pushing Lindsay out the front door. "Geez Lin."

"What? I like to tease her."

Austin shook her head and laughed as they dropped their bags in the back of the Mule and got in.

"So is this thing like a golf cart for hicks?" Austin asked as Lindsay turned the key.

"Actually, that's pretty much exactly what it is."

"So where are we goin'?"

"Rodeo."

"Linds."

"Swimming. Look at what we're wearing and come to a different conclusion."

"You are full of sass today."

"I totally know."

Austin shook her head as they drove down the dirt path for several minutes, winding through trees until they came to a large pond. Trees lined the shore, some of their branches dipping into the water, while the sun tried desperately to shine through and warm it all.

"Is there anything livin' in that water?"

"Oh my word, you sound like Adam."

"Well I would like to know what I am going to be attacked by before I get in the water."

"Thar be the white whale."

"You are such a jerk."

Lindsay giggled and kicked her sandals off, letting them fall wherever. She walked to the water and dipped her toes in, finding it not warm, but still tolerable for leisurely swimming.

"You comin' or what?" she hollered, turning around just in time to see Austin jump off the dock.

"Holy crap it's freezing!" she said as she broke the water surface again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you were stupid," Lindsay smirked, walking in until the water was at her waist.

"You're a jerk."

"You're a city girl."

They gave each other dirty looks and Lindsay stepped in a little further, letting the water cover her from head to toe before she flipped over onto her back and floated.

"If you make any whale jokes Austin Messer, so help me, Imma thwack you upside yo' head."

"I was going to start singing Baby Beluga."

Lindsay snorted and looked up at the sky, sighing deeply and gently, loving how the water carried her and for just a while, her body didn't have to do all the work.

"This reminds me of that day at the lake," Austin mused, floating over to her.

"That was such a long time ago."

"That was the first day that Danny thought Adam was worthy of you."

"What?"

"He always used to see you guys together and say stuff like "If he hurts her I'll break his nose," or "he'd better love her or he's gonna meet my fist."

"Why?"

"Because you're his partner and he's protective of you and he didn't think Adam was good enough for you."

"What changed his mind?"

"I think it was just seeing you together enough. Seeing that you were both happy."

"He didn't notice that in the beginning?"

"He probably did. He's just Danny."

"Yes, he really is."  
>They lapsed into silence for a moment as the water moved them slightly.<p>

"What are you looking forward to when you get home?" Austin asked on a yawn.

"Huggin' the kids. This mama misses them something crazy."

"Ditto."

"And my own bed will be nice."

"You don't like sharin' with me?"

"I do, but the mattresses are lumpy."

"Sometimes when I think of plural words like mattresses, I think we should say it mattressi like the plural of octopus is octopi."

"You do that too?" Lindsay shouted, flailing in the water before she got her footing. "I told Adam I did that and he looked at me like I was nuts!"

"That's because you are nuts."

Lindsay grinned and splashed her friend in the face, then swam away quickly to the deepest part of the pond where she knew Austin was too chicken to go. Of course the thought of Austin being too chicken for anything just made her laugh.

"You can only tread water so long, Fertile Myrtle."

"Whatever."

"You're gonna get a charley horse in about two minutes. Mark my words."

Lindsay shook her head and swam back into the more shallow water. It was too cold to play in the deep dark stuff and the baby was starting to protest anyway. She climbed up onto the dock and sat back, letting the sun warm her back up. After a few minutes she stood up and walked back to the Mule, grabbing a stack of envelopes from her bag and bringing them back to the dock.

"What'cha got there?" Austin asked, sitting down but keeping her feet in the water. Lindsay sighed and bit her bottom lip, not sure exactly how to begin.

"I missed you a lot when you were in California," she said softly. "I felt alone a lot because you weren't around and I was… well I needed you a lot. And I kept thinking about how if it was reversed, if you were pregnant and I wasn't there, I would feel like I was missing something important. I know at the time it would have been hard for you to hear, but I thought that maybe at some point you would come back and you would want to know those things. So I wrote you letters. Lots of them."

"You did?" Austin asked, slightly shocked. No one had ever done something like that for her before.

"Yeah. Not every night, but when I missed you the most or when something happened and I wanted to call you. I couldn't do any of that so I wrote it down."

Austin looked down at the stack of letters, all tucked into envelopes, a white ribbon tied around them. She knew they hadn't just been thrown into a box for the last seven years and forgotten about. She was pretty sure she knew exactly where they'd been, tucked into the drawer in Lindsay's nightstand next to all the letters and cards and notes Adam had ever given her. They even smelled like cedar.

"I want to take you somewhere and let you read them."

Austin nodded and they went back to the Mule, pulling jeans and sweatshirts on over the now dry swimwear. It was a bumpy ride, but just a few minutes before they arrived at Lindsay's favorite spot. The old tire swing hung lopsided from the tree and Lindsay sat down on it, being careful not to fall into the middle while Austin sat down at the base of the old tree. She took a deep breath and opened the first envelope, the sight of her best friend's hand writing immediately wrapping something warm around her heart.

_Aust,_

_You've only been gone for a week and as strange as it sounds, I miss you like crazy. The guys seem to get more juvenile when I don't have someone to complain about it with. Seriously. If Flack whines at me one more time I am going to hold him down and wax his eyebrows. Or maybe just one eyebrow because that would be hilarious. Besides that, there's a lot of things I think of that I want to tell you every day but I can't. _

_Adam and I got into the dumbest argument today. I don't remember what started it but in the end I threw a wet sponge at him and we kissed and made up. And I would have told you about it and we would have laughed about stupid marriage fights. But you're not here and you don't want me to tell you things. _

_Danny misses you a lot. He wanders around with this hang-dog expression all the time. I think Stella's hugged him more in the last week than she's hugged any of us ever. He loves you so much and he just wants to be with you and take care of you but I think he also knows how important it is for you to do this alone right now. Despite that, I did catch him trying to buy a plane ticket online yesterday. I told him you would tell him when you're ready and he made me promise not to let him go out there until you did. Adam and Flack took him out to play Foosball tonight (apparently this is a new guy thing, ala Chandler and Joey), so hopefully that helps a little. He told me the other day that he used to hate Elvis "that dumb dog" but now he's really happy to have someone there when he comes home. _

_I don't want to make you feel guilty on the off chance that you ever read this, so just know that he would feel the same even if you were on vacation or whatever. He really loves you and he doesn't know what to do with himself when you're gone. _

_Moving on…_

_We have the big "What's in there" ultrasound in a few days. We're back and forth on whether or not we want to find out what we're having. I am pretty sure we'll keep it a surprise though. January seems like forever away and then I look at the list of everything I have to do before the baby comes and suddenly I'm all overwhelmed and I end up eating a lot of ice-cream._

_Adam is such a good daddy already. He knows how big the baby is every week, he keeps a record of every ache and pain and bathroom trip (not really but only because I refuse to tell him). He has all these remedies for morning sickness and sore feet and an itchy stomach. That's been the worst so far. I want to take steel wool to the darn thing. It's really starting to be obvious, especially when you look at me from the side. Adam says it just looks like I had a big sandwich and if it's a boy we could name him Jared, like the guy from Subway. I smacked him for that one, don't worry. What follows now, because I am tired and can't sleep is a drawing for your snickering pleasure._

There was a vertical line with a tiny dot on it with the caption "I am pregnant with a pea. I am never going to give birth."

Next was a vertical line with a gigantic protrusion in the middle. It was captioned "There's a fourth grader walking around in there. I am a cow. A big fat heifer. Gimme some friggin' cake."

The last drawing was the most normal representation of what she'd probably looked like at that point in her pregnancy. "My husband told me to shut up because I look hot anyway. P.S. Pregnant sex= interesting."

Austin giggled and shook her head.

_No Smart-alec, I didn't lose my boobs, I just wasn't going to draw them, but according to Adam, my stomach isn't all that's growing. I'll spare you his actual words. You're welcome. _

_I really miss you Austin and I really love you too. I hope you're doing alright and I want you to come home soon. Stay safe. _

_Linds_

"You were tired when you wrote this," Austin commented.

"Yeah, I was tired a lot right about then."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's okay. You needed to be there for yourself. Keep reading."

There were a lot of letters, mostly about the baby, as if Lindsay needed to talk out her to-do lists. There was probably two or three letters for every week she'd been in California, and despite everything, Austin finally felt a little less guilty about leaving. Even knowing how lonely her best friend had been, she also knew that Lindsay wouldn't have changed it. She would have made Austin go because she knew how much she needed it. She'd never really known that before, how supported she was, despite how hard it was on everyone.

_Aust,_

_I felt the baby move today. It was just for a second, like fluttering. I knew it couldn't be felt from the outside but I made Adam sit with his hand on my stomach for over an hour anyway. I wanted to tell you so bad and I hit speed dial before I remembered. I've done that at least three times in the last week for different reasons and sometimes I think I'll just let the call go through to see if you'll pick up out of habit and then maybe I can talk to you for just a second before you realize…_

_I really miss you today, Aust. Please be okay and come home soon. _

_Linds_

_Aust,_

_I hate hormones. Hate them. They happen to men too it seems. Adam and I just got in the biggest fight of our entire relationship. It started over something so dumb and we were yelling at each other and I went in the other room and cried and he went for a walk. It was awful. We're okay now, we were both just tired and stressed and we both apologized a lot and I really hope we never fight like that again. _

_I wish you were here. So bad you have no idea. Life is hard without your best friend. Sometimes I think you're coming back soon and then other times I let myself think you'll never be back. This baby is going to grow up without you, I'm going to be alone. I hate that feeling and I won't lie; I'm pretty mad at you for ditching me. I understand, but it still hurts to be left behind. _

_Going baby shopping tomorrow and wishing you could go with me._

_Linds_

Austin sighed and folded up the last letter, trying not to sniffle too hard. They always talked about how much they loved and needed each other but to see it written out like that, without pretense, without a moment that required it meant so much more. To know that she was missed that badly hurt her heart but it also helped it to heal a little too. So much of that time they'd never spoken of, mostly because they were both afraid of what it would be like. It was probably one of the only things they hadn't hashed over once or twice.

Lindsay maneuvered off the swing and came to sit next to her by the tree. They were quiet for a moment before Austin let a tear slide down her cheek.

"I'm sorry I left," she said softly. "I should have been there for you."

Lindsay wrapped her arms around Austin, holding her the way Austin had held her so many times before.

"You've been there for me more than enough since then to make up for it. And maybe it was good for us to be apart during that time."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, I was very hormonal you know. We might have gotten in a fight, and I don't think either one of us would have stuck around at that point."

"Maybe not."

"I don't want you to feel guilty, Aust. You didn't do anything wrong, I just didn't like it."

"I missed all those things."

"I know."

"You never missed any of that with me."

"Life is life, Austin."

"But I wasn't there for you," she said, reaching over and placing her hand on Lindsay's stomach. "You know how mad I was when you told me you were pregnant? I was just barely hanging on after a miscarriage and now my best friend is going to have a baby. I was mad at fate and at myself and at you and Adam and I was even mad at this little baby who had nothing to do with it at all. There were days I hated him, Linds. I mean it only lasted a little while, I think I was done being that mad by the time I got to California but it was hard. I just wish I had been a better friend to you."

"Austin, listen to me. You are and always have been the best friend I've had. We can call all of it a mistake if we want to, but we're here now and that should be all that matters."

"I'm still sorry for leaving you."

Lindsay nodded and ran her fingers through Austin's dark curls.

"It's okay, Aust. I love you."

"I love you too."

They were quiet for a minute, just sitting there together with nothing to distract them. The wind didn't blow, birds didn't sing, insects didn't buzz by. It was truly as if the world had stopped for a moment.

"This is my favorite place," Lindsay said softly.

"I recognize it. That big picture you have hanging on the wall."

"Yeah."

"Why is it your favorite?"

"Because it's mine. No one else ever comes out here. It's far enough away from the house that I was never found, but it's close enough that I could always go home. It's pretty and there's just something about the way the rain hits the leaves on the tree that makes me feel so safe. If going to the diner yesterday was my hell, then this right here is my heaven."

"You talk really pretty."

"I might be a little sun-sick."

"Oh dear."

They smiled and Austin sat up a little, rubbing her eyes.

"Thank you for everything, Linds. For not letting me get away with crap, but never letting my blame myself too much. And just being there when no one else is and when I don't want anyone else either. You keep me sane, I would be lost without you."

"Ditto."

* * *

><p>"You keep taking me places, Lin. I feel as if you're kidnapping me."<p>

"I am just sharing with you the finer areas of Montana living."

"Are you going to make me ride a cow?"

"No, I'm going to make you hike."

"Aw Linds!"

"Come on, if I can do it this waddly and pregnant, then you can do it. Besides it's not a trip to Montana if you don't hike up to the M."

"Is this like the Hollywood sign?"

"Similar idea, way better view."

"Alright, alright," Austin fake-grumped, climbing into the truck. She might be whining a lot but she was actually loving these random "be ready in five minutes" adventures, spending all the time she wanted with her best friend, and just getting out of the city where her thoughts could run away instead of bounce off of buildings and straight back to her.

She tossed her feet up onto the dashboard, noticing how dirty they were and smiling at her chipped toenail polish. She would keep it like that for several months until it chipped completely off, as a daily reminder of this vacation.

It wasn't a very long drive to the trailhead and soon they were getting out of the car.

"So how long is this hike?" Austin asked, taking a picture of the sign so she could use it as proof of torture later.

"About three miles total. We'll take the easy route."

"Are you a wimp?"

"No, I just don't want you to have to figure out how to deliver this baby in the middle of the trail."

"Gotcha," Austin chuckled as they started up the path. "Are we going to be done before it's dark?"

"Are you a'skeeered of the dark, Messer?"

"No, I just don't know if we're going to run into the Unabomber up here or something."

"He lived in Lincoln, that's three hours away."

"I am noting that you do not bring up the fact that he was apprehended, just the fact that Lincoln is three hours away."

"Facts are facts, Austin."

"Regale me. All the Montana facts you know. Starting now."

Lindsay chuckled and rebalanced herself as they started up a small incline.

"The Montana Yogo Sapphire is the only gem from North America that is included in the British Crown Jewels. In 1888 Helena had more millionaires per capita than any other city in the world. Virginia City is considered to be the most complete, original city of its kind in the United States and it was founded in 1863. It's illegal to have sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone. Montana mountain goats have been known to butt heads so hard their hooves will fall off."

"That sounds like us."

"Oh be nice to us. We're better now."

"I know. Can you imagine how much we would hate each other if we hated each other?"

"Oh I know."

"You alright?" Austin asked, seeing the look on Lindsay's face.

"Yeah, I'm good. My back just hurts. I need to walk it out. C'mon."

Austin fell into step beside her and they spent the next mile talking about nothing of consequence. By the time they reached "The M" the sun was setting in the west, illuminating the entire Gallatin valley in the radiant colors of fall. Orange, pink, red, and purple bounced off of the snow-capped mountains and Austin breathed deeply, having never seen something quite like this in her life.

"It's so beautiful here," she mused as they sat down on the ground to rest for a while. "How did you ever leave? And why? I mean, why did you pick New York? Why not Colorado or Northern California, or somewhere that's a little more like Montana?"

Lindsay sighed and looked over the land, land that had shaped her heart and raised her and defined her to a degree, but it still wasn't who she was completely.

"It's hard to explain," she said after a moment. "I love this place, Austin. It's part of who I am and no matter how far away I am, it's always a home. No morning anywhere else breaks quite as perfectly as the ones here and I know I would go crazy without the dirt roads to dance on, barefoot in the rain. But it's not all that I am. I think I just started to realize that there is so much more out there than this. I never really had a yen for travel, but I never saw myself staying here all my life either. I always wanted to experience New York and when I started looking for jobs in other places… it just kind of fell together and I decided to jump."

"Were you scared?"

"To death. I think my hands shook for a week before I started work."

"Did you drive all the way out?"

"No, I took the train. I thought about flying and I thought about driving, but the train seemed good. I sold everything I had, all my furniture and everything that I couldn't ship out later and got on the train with a huge suitcase and just spent the next 21 hours not having to be anything to anyone. It was the first time in my life that I was just me."

"Hopefully not the last."

"I think I've stuck pretty well to being that person I became on that train. I think this girl you know now is more what I always have been in my heart and in my head, but I was too shy or scared or something that I couldn't be that in front of anyone."

"You'd better be you in front of me."

"I am."

They sat for a while longer, their voices getting softer as the light got lower. It was so quiet out, the only sounds were their hushed voices, a symphony of crickets, and the occasional breeze rustling through the mountain grasses.

"I guess I never realized how many stars there were," Austin whispered. "And how close they feel."

"I know. It feels like they're just surrounding you."

"Did you just see that, Lin? Was that a shooting star?"

"Yeah. Was that the first one you've ever seen?"

"I think so. Don't laugh at me but that was kind of magical."

Lindsay chuckled and tipped her head back, staring up at the sky that she knew so well. She loved all this relaxation and the fresh air and wide open spaces, but she really missed Adam and the boys and she couldn't wait to head home tomorrow. She needed to be home with them again because as wonderful as her world was at the moment, it wouldn't be perfect until she had her arms around all three of them. She pulled a flashlight out of her pocket and checked her watch, deciding that if they left now, she could call home before the boys went to bed. Austin must have thought the same thing for they wordlessly stood up and started making their way back down the trail to the truck. Lindsay went slowly, knowing the trail was gravelly and steep, but Austin wasn't as prepared for it and found herself sliding down into a sitting position before she even knew she was falling.

"Do not laugh at me, Montana."

"I told you not to wear salt water sandals."

"Don't shine that light on me, I don't want you to forever have a vision of my wide rear-end struggling up from the ground."

"Oh, I don't need the flashlight for that, I have a good imagination."

"Linds, if you weren't pregnant, I'd take you down with me."

"I have no doubts about that."

Austin finally found her footing and they continued down the dark trail, the flashlight flicking back and forth from one side to the other. There was a snapping, creaking noise behind them and Austin gasped, grabbing onto Lindsay's arm.

"What was that?"

"I don't know. Probably a squirrel. Maybe a bobcat or a bear."

"Don't you dare try to freak me out right now, Lindsay Ross."

"Austin, it's fine. We're almost back to the truck anyway."

"If I keel over from a heart attack, you're going to have to deal with Danny."

"Okay."

Austin chuckled as they reached the truck and climbed inside. Lindsay started it up and turned the heat on, to ward off some of the chill of the night.

"Hey Lin?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for sharin' your world with me."

"Anytime, Aust."


	6. Chapter 6

The last morning in Montana found Austin up early, before the sun even peeked over the mountains. She rolled over and yawned, staring at the ceiling, noticing the blue sheen of pre-dawn that was over everything and wondering why she never noticed that back home. She could hear movement downstairs and she knew that Dale was probably up, getting ready to go out and start his morning chores. She was surprised at how diligent he was with it, how many years he'd been up every morning this early to keep his homestead running, to provide for his family. It was where Lindsay got her work ethic of course.

Austin stretched and stood up from the bed, figuring she would take a fast shower before going downstairs. They were leaving the house just before ten and she was pretty much packed, so she was planning a morning of just enjoying this frontier that she already knew she would miss dearly. Part of it was the place itself, but another part of it was seeing her best friend so different and so free and so young. It was something totally new and she cherished the fact that Lindsay trusted her enough to share this all with her. She wished she could reciprocate that, but she was pretty sure that Lindsay already knew.

She stepped out of the shower and toweled her hair dry, letting it curl around her shoulders as she pulled on the clothes she'd brought into the bathroom with her, then headed downstairs. The smell of coffee greeted her and she peeked into the kitchen, finding Anne sitting at the table, looking out over the backyard.

"Morning. Grab some coffee and pull up a chair."

Austin obeyed because she knew she would hear the same phrase over and over again until she did. She'd learned early on that when something was offered in this house it was not out of politeness, but the actual desire to serve a guest.

"You're up pretty early," Anne mused, putting a little sugar into her own coffee.

"Yeah. I guess I don't want to miss the sunrise."

"I think you're ready to get home to your kiddos."

"Yes, that too. It's weird not having noses to wipe or scrapes to kiss or fights to break up. I've never been away from them for more than a day."

"It kind of feels like part of you is missing."

"Yes, it does. They've been having fun with their daddy though, so I don't worry at least."

Anne smiled and nodded in understanding, taking a small sip of her coffee.

"Austin, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Do you think Lindsay will ever move back here?"

"I know the answer you're looking for, and I have to say no. I mean, maybe if she didn't have her family she would entertain the idea, but as it stands now, the city is where her heart is."

"I thought she'd be back. I really did. I don't think I ever came to terms with the fact that she was starting a new life. I thought it was just a phase."

"When has she ever done anything as a phase?"

"You're right. She is who she is."

"You have a stubborn daughter that knows exactly what she wants."

"I've noticed," Anne chuckled. "I thought it would get better as she got older but… that girl does a lot of stuff without looking back. She's gotten better at thinking about consequences, that's for sure."

"I knew about her reckless stage."

"Did she tell you about the time she left for two days and didn't tell anyone where she was going?"

"No."

"She left one night after work, drove six hours up to Glacier and found a hotel room in town. She called us the next morning and said she was fine and she just wanted to get away for a while. Scared me and her dad to death."

"When was this?"

"She was 17. It was a year after the girls died. I think that she spent so much of her life and especially that last year being so brave, she was afraid of what would happen. They were having candlelight vigils to remember the girls and we all encouraged her to go, but I don't think she wanted to be seen as vulnerable then."

"She never does."

Anne nodded and smiled a little, looking down into her cup before she spoke again.

"That's probably not healthy, is it?"

Austin gave a little shrug, not wanting to say much on the subject. She wasn't sure what Anne knew about Lindsay's struggles and she didn't want to speak out of turn about it either. Lindsay trusted her and she wasn't stupid enough to believe that mother and daughter were suddenly close enough that she'd want her entire private life spilled all over the breakfast table.

"It might not be healthy, but she's one of the strongest people I know. She doesn't just let things hurt her."

"I figured as much. She's always been strong. Stronger than I knew and stronger, I think than I was ready to understand. By the time I was ready to help her, she didn't need me anymore."  
>"That's not true. You're her mom, she'll always need you. She's just a little too proud to admit it."<p>

Anne lifted an eyebrow and Austin chuckled.

"She may be my best friend and I love her with all my heart and I think the world of her, but that doesn't mean I'm blind to the fact that she's not perfect. She would rather figure something out on her own than call you for help, not because she hates you or doesn't want you in her life, but because never in a million years would she want to be looked at as needy. She's too independent to ever be vulnerable."

"I have a feeling that's something the two of you share."

"Yes, and it used to be to our detriment, but we got over it. She's the only person in the world that can get me to say I need help."

"You've changed her a lot."

"How do you mean?"

"She never used to let anyone in. Even when she was younger, even with the girls, she would be there for them, but she never expected the same back. They would confide in her but she never said a word to them about her problems. I never understood why that was, why she couldn't open herself up like that. I realized part of it was my fault. I shut her down when she tried and she never saw me open up like that. I've never seen her the way she is with you. I used to think it was all Adam, and I still think that she would be lost without him. But I know a lot of it is you. You've been that friend to her that most people never have and you've shown her that it's okay to be close and it's okay to rely on someone. These last few years especially she's seemed so much lighter, like she's not struggling every day. I think that's because of you."

"I'm just repaying the favor. If it weren't for her… I don't know where I would be."

"Well then I'm glad you two have each other."

"I am too."

"You are what?" Lindsay asked, coming around the corner and rubbing her eyes.

"In dire need of more coffee," Austin said with a grin. "And you can't have any."

"Austin, I am going to sit on you."

"Can't be worse than when you whacked me in the face last night."

"I warned you about keepin' your bed next to mine. I said there might be battle scars."

"I just laughed at Adam when he said I should sleep with a hockey mask on."

"I can't help my weird pregnancy things," she shrugged.

"You blame everything on that! You can't make dinner because you're pregnant, you can't wash dishes because you're pregnant, you can't tie your shoe because you're pregnant."

She was completely teasing and Lindsay knew it, but she couldn't just let teasing stand.

"I can't make dinner because I'm too tired and I can't wash dishes because my gigantic stomach gets in the way and I can't tie my shoes because I can't reach my feet."

"Remember last time we were pregnant and the boys called us Weeble-Dum and Weeble-Dee? I think you're weeblier now than we both were then."

"I hate you Austin Messer."

"That's too bad 'cuz I really, really love you."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"Somethin' horrible."

"I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die."

"And someone's going to be channeling Johnny Cash for the rest of the day."

"God's gonna cut you down."

* * *

><p>"You know, I think I'm really going to miss this place," Austin said, tossing her feet up onto the dashboard of the truck and taking a long drink of her sweet tea.<p>

"Yeah, it really grows on you, doesn't it?"

"Mm-hmm. I didn't really get to experience it last time, you know? At your wedding? I didn't really get to just sit back and enjoy it. There's something different here."

"The air isn't half exhaust and Chinese food smells?"

"Partly. I don't know, it makes me feel all organic or something. I want to get up at dawn and run and listen to sprinklers and wear flannel and get my feet dirty."

"Yep," Lindsay said with a little sigh, starting the truck. She hated to leave Montana so much, she felt like she was leaving a part of herself behind.

"Well crank that radio, Lin. We gotta soak up the last of this countryness."

"Wanna go two-sixty then?"

"Go what?"

"Two windows down, sixty miles an hour."

"Maybe let's not go quite that fast."

Lindsay grinned and turned the music up, letting the iPod shuffle through country music as they drove. She loved the bumps in the road and the diesel smell of the truck and the way the sunlight hit the windshield and bounced off the chip that had been there for as long as she remembered. It was comforting and if she had to leave this place, she wouldn't leave any other way.

"Hey Linds?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you mad at me for making you go into the diner the other day?"

"No, not mad. There's still a pit in my stomach, but it's not your fault. I needed to go in there."

"I wish it didn't exist."

"I know."

They shared a quiet contemplation for a moment before Lindsay cleared her throat and turned the car off the main road, letting it clunk up a dirt road and past a little white church. Lindsay checked her pockets as she drove, turning onto an even smaller road and driving about the length of a block before parking the car. Neither of them said a word, there wasn't a question about where they were or why, and Austin stayed in the car as Lindsay hopped out, walking across the grass to the first headstone. She made her rounds, spending a moment at each headstone, bending down to place the little folded papers at each one before heading back to the truck.

"Hey Lin," Austin whispered, stilling Lindsay's hand before she could buckle her seatbelt.

"Yeah?"

"I just want to tell you… I need to tell you that I love you."

"I know you do Austin."

"I couldn't handle it if you were gone, Lin. I'm not as strong as you are, I wouldn't make it."

"You'd have to make it, Aust. You'd still have Danny and the kids. And don't forget you promised you would take care of Adam for me."

"I know but… I watched you walk over there to visit your best friends that can't speak back and I know I could never do that. I'd miss you so much."

Lindsay didn't speak because there really weren't any words that she could say to make this moment any better.

"How did you do it?"

"You know how, Austin. I didn't do anything, I just ignored it until my heart healed a little. It was probably the worst thing I could have done."

"But even the years after that, how did you get by day to day without your best friends?"

"I don't know. I really don't. And then suddenly I met you."

Austin sniffled and tried to hold back the tears that she was always so reluctant to shed. There was a horrible gnawing feeling in her stomach, and her bones felt weak, as if they were being slowly destroyed by a harsh acid. She slid across the seat, letting a few tears flow as Lindsay's arms came around her.

"We're both okay, Austin. Right now we're both just fine. We don't need to worry about that other stuff unless it happens. If you do, you're never going to enjoy right now."

"I don't want to miss you."

"If anything ever happens, we've both got a lot to hold onto. I don't want to say either of us would be okay, but at least there's some hope."

Austin gave a little chuckle as Lindsay hugged her a bit tighter, her own heart anxious with the possibilities of what life could throw at them.

"I love you Austin Grace."

"I love you too, Lindsay Joy."

They stayed like that for just a moment longer before regaining their composure and sitting up, never to speak about it again. It wasn't that they were embarrassed or that it was out of character, but some things were more important when they were kept quiet.

"I really hope it doesn't take us an hour to get through security again," Austin commented as they hit the road again. "I don't want to miss our flight."

"Me neither. I hate that we have so many connections on this one. It makes me tired thinking about walking through the airport. Maybe Denver has one of those moving walkways."

"Those things are awesome."

"We could sit down on it."

"Let's get some folding chairs and just camp out."

"The other travelers will love us to death."

* * *

><p>"Cancelled?" Lindsay nearly wailed, slapping her boarding pass against the chair next to her. "Not delayed?"<p>

Austin cursed a lot louder than she probably should have in a public place, then stood up to go talk to the poor ticket agent who had been tasked with making the announcement. She was as nice as she could be but returned with information that Lindsay didn't want.

"Well, it looks like we're going to see a little more of Denver than we'd planned."

"No."

"Linds there won't be flights going out until morning. You're not sleeping in the arrivals terminal because those plastic chairs are not going to be kind to your temporary weightiness, and you'll be crankier in the morning, especially without a shower."

"But… what if something happens? What if they open up flights again?"

"Then they'll call us. If we don't go now Linds, we're not going to get a hotel room because every other person in this airport is trying to get one too."

"This isn't fair."

"Didn't say it was. I'm going to go call around and see what I can find. You want to give Adam a call and let him know what's going on?"

"I'd rather pout," she admitted, pulling out her phone and following Austin anyway. She'd been so ready to go home and there was just one four hour leg of their trip left and for her hopes to be dashed like that, especially when she was hormonal was really not fair. She felt angry tears welling up in her eyes and she blinked them away, even if she did feel like hiding in a corner and letting them out.

"Hey babe, you almost on your last flight?"

His voice and the question nearly sent her into a pregnancy rage tailspin but she breathed deeply through it.

"No. It got cancelled."

"What?"

"There's a storm or some other stupid thing. Our flight's cancelled, they're putting us on another one in the morning."

"Are you serious? What are you guys going to do?"

"Find a hotel and stay for the night I guess."

"Oh babe, that sucks."

"I know."

"The boys were really excited for you to come home. They made you some- well, I won't tell you, you'll see it tomorrow. This is crap, hon."

"I know. I miss you so much, I just want to come home."

"And we want you home. But it's really not that much longer you know. Not even a full day more, and you'll be sleeping for some of that."

"Good try on cheering me up, but I wanted to sleep with you tonight, not possibly unwashed sheets."

He gave a small chuckle, knowing she was about to start saying really weird things in anger.

"If it makes you feel any better, I haven't washed our sheets so they're dirty too."

"I miss you so much," she said, her voice defeated.

"I miss you too honey. I'd better go tell the boys. Call me when you guys find a hotel, alright?"

"I will."

"I love you Linds. Be safe."

"I love you too."

They hung up the phone and she sniffled a little, regaining her composure as she walked across the hallway to where Austin stood thumbing through a phone book.

"I got a list of hotels that are close. They're all booked so far, but hopefully this last one will be okay. Cross your fingers."

"Not much else I can do at this point," Lindsay muttered, sitting down in a nearby chair and raking her hair out of her face. She was exhausted and overheated and being cranky wasn't helping anything.

"We got a room if we can get there in half an hour. Let's go."

She wanted to complain about having to get up again, but there was really no point in it, so she followed Austin down to baggage claim.

"Lin don't carry that, let me."

"No, it's okay."

"We're not getting into a fight at a luggage carousel Lindsay. Give me it."

"Fine."

They managed to get out the door and hail a cab as the sun was setting, but neither one of them were really in the mood to look at the beauty of it. Traffic getting out of the airport was terrible and they arrived at the run-down Bonanza motel with just a few minutes to spare. Lindsay ran inside and checked them in while Austin unloaded the luggage from the taxi.

"I don't know about this place," Lindsay said as she came out of the reception office. "They were playing Justin Bieber music in there."

"And you recognized it so what's that say about you?"

"I don't know but I've got to lay down. We got the corner room."

"Let's get settled and then maybe we can get some takeout and find a crappy movie on TV. It will make you feel better."

"I know. I'm sorry I'm so cranky."

"It's okay," Austin said brightly while Lindsay unlocked the door. "I think you have every right to be a little cranky right now."

They stepped into the warm motel room and turned on a light, looking around disgustedly.

"No wonder this was the last room they had open. I don't think it's been cleaned since Billy the Kid stayed here."

Lindsay couldn't stop the laughter that bubbled up within her and she grabbed on to the small rickety desk, trying to stay upright. She was so tired, so upset, so sore and there was nothing to do but laugh or cry and apparently she was going to do both.

"Lin," Austin said with a chuckle. "You're cracked."

"Why is any of this surprising me? I should have known that the two of us on vacation was not going to be perfect. I should have known the other shoe was going to drop. Look at that lamp!"

She burst into another fit of giggles and Austin briefly wondered if she had actually gone insane.

"What's so funny about that lamp?"

"Remember the leg lamp from _A Christmas Story_? It's the cowboy version. It's a boot and it's hilarious."

"Okay Linds, you need to take a deep breath because I am fearing for your mental stability right now."

She steered her friend over to the bed and sat her down, laughing a little herself because the situation really couldn't get much worse.

"I want to go home," Lindsay sighed softly, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"I do too. I miss Danny and the kids so much I feel like my chest is going to explode. I hate when you plan something and it doesn't go right and I am just as frustrated as you are."

"I'm tired, Aust. I just want to lay down and sleep the rest of the day away."

"I know but we both need to eat or we're going to be even crankier in the morning."

"Okay."

"Now come here, I'm going to hug you until you get your equilibrium back."

"Thank you."

They sat together like that for a while until Lindsay started to feel a little more like herself.

"I guess I could go for some really bad Mexican food."

"Read my mind."


End file.
